This song makes my life right now. I have so much going on… should probably post just to get some stuff off my chest and onto the page but my little fingers aren’t cooperating with my little brain. Instead, listen to this song that makes me really really happy.
… September 5, 2008
So, I’m sad. I feel like my friends are moving on without me, like life is moving on without me. My best friend goes to school upstate. I was supposed to go there too but… for reasons too complicated to blog about, I didn’t. So this year, my other closest friend transfers to the school where my best friend is and now I feel completely out of the loop. I was friends with both of them before they were really close with each other, but now they seem inseperable. I mean, they have all these new jokes that I’m not in on, and they can basically see each other all the time.. its just…I’m jealous. I’m really jealous because I don’t feel like I have that connection with anyone here. All my closest friends are gone. And tonight my two closest friends are going to a strip club, something that I wanted to do with them for the longest time and I don’t know if I’m being selfish or what but I feel like it’s not fair. I want them to have a good time deep down in my heart but right now I’m just mad that they’re doing it without me. And I just don’t know who to talk to about any of this.
Sunday August 31, 2008
Isn’t it amazing how one little thing-or person- can make you feel like nothing else in the whole world matters? Like there’s nothing to worry about? Today, no matter what happens, I will feel comfortable and safe in my own thoughts, relishing on events in my past and planning for the future. I feel happy. I feel loved.
And I miss you, I’m going back home to the West Coast July 18, 2008
I wish you woulda put yourself in my suitcase
Bittersweet July 12, 2008
I took a nap yesterday afternoon and had a very strange dream. I was driving through what appeared to be a snowstorm. I could barely see out my front windshield. It was quite confusing because in my dream it was summer. I got out of the car and was talking to some random people and they told me it actually wasn’t snow, it was a huge amount of fluffy white pollen from trees. I was really confused and a little scared that trees could be producing so much pollen. Very vivid dream, I rarely remember my dreams for more than a few minutes. I wonder what it means…
Anyway, I’m happy. Really happy. Things are good. It’s bittersweet though. My happiness is tinged with loneliness, but hopefully it won’t be that way for long. Dunno what else to say right now. I’m really hungry. I’ll keep you all updated.
2 days June 23, 2008
Birthdays make me feel especially lonely. Dunno why. I just want someone to cuddle is all.
Allow Me to Reintroduce Myself… May 5, 2008
Ok, since last night’s post was sort of…. downer-y, I’ll do the typical “hello-this-is-me-this-is-my-blog” post now.
Hi 
My name is Shanna! But you knew that already. I’m 18, a week away from finishing my first year in college. I go to a small artsy-fartsy school in New York and if I can convince my parents that paying 5 grand a year in tuition (which honestly is nothing these days) will be well spent on an undergraduate degree in philosophy, that will eventually be my major.
I’m a really big dork. I say silly things, I laugh until my face turns red, I’m not scared to be nerdy and tell people whats on my mind. There’s nothing I love more in the world than to just be at home, or someplace quiet, with my family or closest friends. I don’t have ten gabillion friends but the friends I do have are loyal to the extreme and I love them more than anything. It’s kinda hard though, because I live at home and commute to school, so I’m caught in a rift between not having my high school friends around and not really having that many buddies at college, but I’m doing my best and I think I’ve made some genuine friends! Yay for me, it’s like being in kindergarten again. I come home all like “Mommy! I made a friend today!” haha.
I’m so glad it’s almost summertime. Last summer was bittersweet for me. I got to lay in the grass with a boy and kiss and snuggle, which was fantastic, but my grandpa also died (three months after my other grandpa died), and I struggled with college issues (thats a WHOLE other post for another time). This summer will be very different. I’m flying solo and really feeling good about it. For a long time I was sad that this boy broke up with me, but a few months ago I decided to be happy, and then I just was. Amazing how willful a person can be.
I’m also much less stressed about school stuff because I’ve found a school that I’m genuinely happy at. You know, I graduated high school with a 4.2 GPA and in the top 8% of my class of over 500 kids, but I ended up at a small state school. People are still surprised when I tell them where I go, but you know what? College rankings are probably the most unimportant thing ever invented in the history of inventions. Sure it’s not ranked as a top tier school but when I’m on campus I feel like nowhere else even exists. Sometimes I say to my friends that ever since I started school I’ve felt like I know nothing, like I’m starting brand new and having my eyes opened to all sorts of things that get me riled up and angry, but in a really good way!!! And you know whats sad? None of my friends share that sentiment. Things like that are incalculable.
This is getting sort of discombobulated so I’ll stop here for now.
Hello world! May 4, 2008
Well isn’t this exciting! As you probably already know, I’m Shanna and I’m starting this blog because I have a lot to say and nowhere else to say it. It will be the typical rants and raves of a college kid; most of it will probably be boring to everyone except me. Feel free to leave me all sorts of comments commending, complaining, philosophizing… anything!
See ya on the flip side
Shanna
